5 Not-So-Subtle Ways Your Cell Phone Is Hurting Your Relationship

Let’s just go ahead and declare our cell phones an appendage.  We have it in our pocket (or purse) all day and sleep with it at our bedside at night.  We now have a phone, the internet, a camera, a calculator, and thousands of apps right at our fingertips everywhere we go.  But does having this convenience come at a price?  Yes.  Our phones are hurting our relationships in many various ways.  I could write for hours about the numerous large scale research studies that detail the use of cell phones and the harmful effects they are having on our relationships and social skills but today we will focus on 5 ways your cell phone is hurting your romantic relationship.

1. You’re less connected: Ever find yourself texting when you should be talking?  It is easy to feel like you’re good at communicating when you’re constantly texting with your partner.  But text messaging isn’t the most effective form of communication.  We gather a lot of social cues and information from people’s facial expressions, tone, and body language. All of this is lost in a text.  Another issue with text messaging arises when we judge how quickly our partner responds to our message.  If they don’t respond quickly enough, could it mean you’re not a high priority?  It’s easy for us to get our feelings hurt because we feel ignored.  We associate texting with immediacy.  We consider it “real time” communication, even when it isn’t possible.  Maybe your partner is working.  Maybe they just simply did not hear the text alert.  Maybe they’re driving.  Don’t let a delayed response cause conflict in your relationship.  Many couples have had an entire fight over a simple, misinterpreted or mistimed text. Don’t text so much that you talk too little.
2. You’re less happy (and so is your partner): Feeling like you’re competing with your partner’s phone for attention?  When your partner is scrolling through Facebook instead of engaging with you, it can feel like a form of rejection. You may not realize that while you’re texting a friend in the middle of a conversation with your spouse, you’re sending your spouse the message that the phone is more important.  You may also find yourself comparing your relationship to others.  Following those super star couples on Instagram that always take the most romantic pictures in the most romantic places?  Unfollow.  Try not to get caught up in comparisons.
3. Opening the door to temptation: Let’s be honest - cell phones can open the door to infidelity.  They keep us in contact with our exes, our old friends and our coworkers.  I won’t even begin to talk about the slew of dating/hook up apps out there.  It is also easy to access and view inappropriate content, which can lead to relationship stress in the bedroom. The important element here is full transparency.
4. Misguided priorities: Instead of helping with the dishes or bathing the kids, you’re scrolling mindlessly through Facebook or playing a game on your phone.  It may cause a fight or built up resentment by your partner who is picking up your slack.  We also get lazy when it comes to small, meaningful romantic gestures.  Remember that just texting “I love you” doesn’t have the same effect as buying flowers and hand writing a note about how much you appreciate your partner.  Relationships require effort.
5. You’re bringing your work home with you: There was once a time when once you left work, you actually left work.  Thanks (in part) to smartphones - work emails, phone calls or text messages are now readily available anytime. Time at home that could once be spent with our partner or family is now spent responding to work messages.  It can wait.

So now we’ve talked about how your phone might be harming your relationship.  Maybe you finished reading this and realized that your smartphone is damaging your relationship.  What now?  Compulsively checking your phone is a tough routine to break.  Let’s cut the habit and create a new one.  For starters, agree with your partner about “No Phone Zones.”  This could mean agreeing not to check your phone during dinner or maybe while you’re getting ready for bed at night.  Turn your phone off or on silent and place it out of your eye sight.  Focus on creating conversation and intimacy with your partner.  Don’t go to sleep tonight with a wedge of technology between you.