5 Signs You’re in a Healthy, Lasting Relationship

Ready or not - Valentine’s Day is right around the corner.  For many of us, a major goal in life is to be in a healthy, lasting relationship.  But relationships are tricky and there is no shortage of dating advice out there.  How will you know if the relationship you’re in has lasting potential?  Once the initial rush of attraction has faded, what really sustains a relationship over time?  Although all relationships are different, research has found common patterns that tend to arise in successful relationships. 

1. You’re Friends with Each Other: Most long lasting, healthy couples are built on a foundation of friendship.  They are best friends.  They genuinely enjoy spending time together, rely on each other for emotional support, share common interests and communicate effectively.  Friendship is often the main building block to trust, deeper intimacy and passion.
2. You Problem Solve Effectively: Conflicts happen and that’s ok.  There is nothing healthy about avoiding conflict.  It is the way you approach and manage the argument that says a lot about the strength of the relationship.  Happy couples stop, listen and repair the conflict.  Once you realize you can tackle problems as a team, you have a much happier and longer lasting relationship.  Remember – it is you and your partner against the problem.  Not you against your partner.
3. You’re Kind to One Another: Nothing is more important than treating the person you love with care and respect.  Kindness doesn’t just mean being “nice” to each other.  It means being positive, being supportive, being generous and being empathetic.  Lasting couples appreciate each other and celebrate each other’s successes.  Even small gestures, such as saying “thank you” after your partner cooks dinner or makes the bed, can go a long way.
4. You’re Vulnerable with Each Other: Love is in the details.  Happy couples are familiar with their partner’s world and their feelings.
5. You Make Decisions Together: Happy couples are a team that work together.  Decisions may start small early in the relationship like “should we go out tonight” or “what color should we paint the bedroom” but decisions will escalate as the relationship progresses.  Soon you may be making decisions about how many children to have or whether or not to relocate for a job. Developing a reliable foundation for decision making and open discussion early in the relationship will lead to a longer lasting relationship.

While practicing marriage counseling, I’ve seen many couples that exhibit a wide variety of behaviors – some healthy and some dysfunctional.  In many cases, the dysfunctional couple’s relationship can be saved.  Just remember – “The grass is always greener where you water it.”  Tend to yourself and to your relationship and watch both thrive.  If you feel your relationship is not where it should be please don't hesitate to reach out so you and your partner can experience the best relationship possible.