How to Recover After the End of a Long Term Relationship

Whether you see it coming or not, breakups are never easy.  Especially ones that end a serious, long term relationship.  The experience of a breakup is painful, complicated and challenging but it may be an opportunity to learn more about yourself and experience personal growth.  You can also learn a lot about the type of relationship you truly want in the future.  Below are just a few tips on how to cope with the end of a long term relationship.

• Feel all your feelings: Let yourself grieve the loss.  Chances are this person was not only someone you loved romantically but also your best friend.  This is why the end of long term relationships can be so difficult.  The KEY person in your life that was there to help you through the good, bad and ugly is now not there to help you move forward.  So give yourself time and be kind.  Give yourself the opportunity to process and make sense of all your emotions.  For some people, it is helpful to set a time frame.  Give yourself a few weeks to vent and cry as much as you need to but when the time is up, you start to refocus on rebuilding.  
• Celebrate your successes: We often turn to our partners for validation and look to them as someone to share in our achievements (no matter how big or small).  Praise yourself during moments where you feel your independence.  Sometimes these are simple wins, like going to an event by yourself or successfully changing a flat tire.  Find happiness in the mundane. Find happiness in being you.
• Do what you love: Even if you used to do it with your partner.  Reclaim these hobbies or events as something you can do without your ex, such as traveling, hiking or dancing.  You can still thrive and enjoy these activities alone or with friends. It may even be a good time to work on something new!  Learn a new skill or try a new hobby –perhaps you always wanted to learn to cook or take dancing lessons.  It could help you reclaim your identity and help you avoid feelings of loneliness. Self-care is vital to the healing process so do things that make you smile.
• Practice good social media etiquette: Just when you think you have finally moved on and recovered from your break up, BAM, there it is.  The relationship status update, the new photo with the new love interest, the cheesy hashtags. Whatever it may be, it can set you back and make you feel insecure (no matter how much progress you’ve made).  Simply telling someone to not check their ex’s social media usually isn’t enough.  Curiosity is human nature and social media has made it easy to give into those urges.  Consider unfollowing your ex (and possibly their close friends) or even unfriending if necessary.  Also remember not to post passive aggressive status updates, encourage friends to take sides, brag about hook ups, send them a series of direct messages, etc. Think about your emotional healing as a physical wound – If you don’t allow it to heal, you will only do more damage.
• Avoid toxic coping mechanisms: You may be tempted to do anything to avoid your feelings or distract you from the pain of the break up but as with anything, you want to avoid toxic coping mechanisms.  These include things such as over drinking, gambling, overeating or complaining too much to friends, coworkers or anyone within earshot (this only encourages anger and blame).  These are unhelpful and will likely only compound your problems or make you feel worse.  It is essential that you find healthy, effective coping mechanisms such as journaling your feelings, making lists (such as why it is better to be single), or exercising.

Remember to seek support from friends and family when you’re ready.  In addition to emotional comfort, these are the people that often provide the encouragement that you can move forward and get through this rough phase.  It's important to build up your network of support and friends. Learn to share life with others. What you are experiencing is normal and it will pass.  There is an end in sight.  If you are feeling a constant state of sadness or unable to function on a daily basis, seeking professional help may be the next logical step.  Never hesitate to call, text or email to set up a free consultation. 478-305-9913; Jonathan@AllCounselingSolutions.com; www.AllCounselingSolutions.com